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Attitudes towards widows and widowers must have been very different within the MAY family. One half of those MAYs, whose wives predeceased them, remarried and two thirds of those had further children (1). However, only an eigth of the widows of MAYs remarried, yet there were nearly three times as many widows than widowers. None of the widows who remarried had further children. It is probable that widows were expected to remain single, whereas widowers could do as they pleased. If they wanted more heirs, then remarriage was the obvious solution. Mary (1719-1768) wife of Charles MAY (1715-1745) of Burghfield was a widow at twenty-six, yet she did not remarry. She retired to Beenham to live with her brother and his family instead. Certainly, Thomas MAY (1737-1800) of Brimpton only gave his wife property during her widowhood in his will, and recorded that if she ‘shall happen to marry again (which I hope and trust she will not)’ then she was to lose the guardianship of her own young children! An attitude which would certainly not be accepted today.

Generally, attitudes towards children of different marriages were equal. John MAY (1600-1676) left money to the children of his ‘son Christopher begotten and born of his last wife now living’ only; but the children from his previous marriage had probably already been provided for. Thomas (d.1718) of Nately Scures favoured the eldest son of his second marriage, John (1684-1752) over Thomas (b.1676) from his first marriage, as his heir. Elizabeth (CLAPSHOE) MAY (1658-1740) his widow, however, referred to Thomas, and Mary his sister, as her ‘son’ and ‘daughter,’ leaving them both legacies. Thus, they were equal to her own children. It is possible Thomas (b.1676) had been provided with an estate by his maternal grandfather, and hence his own father saw no need to leave him his property also.

Most widows had more freedom than Thomas MAY (1737-1800) of Brimpton’s wife. They were usually left property and chattels for their ‘lifetime’ by their husband. However, he would specify to whom their inheritance was to pass after their deaths; the widow could not do with it as she pleased. It seems to have been a matter of personal preference as to whether this property was the family home (later to pass to the eldest son) or second property (to be passed to a younger son). Lucy (1752-1839) widow of William MAY (1745-1828) of Basing, amongst other property and chattels, was given ‘the use of the parlour and the best bedroom over the same at Huish,’ the family home. She was thus able to live on with her son in Nately Scures. Provision may also have been made for widowhood in a marriage settlement as already described.

The wills of widows with no children can make interesting reading. Catherine (PAYNE) (1719-1775), widow of Thomas MAY (1712-1769) of Worting, left legacies to five nieces, six nephews, one sister and three cousins. Ann (WEBB) (1750-1827), widow of both Michael WILLIS and John MAY (1741-1802) of Nately Scures, also left a will (2). Though her property, including Huish, was to go to her brother-in-law, William (1745-1828), as set out in her first husband’s will, Ann was free to dispose of her chattels as she wished. She left legacies to two sisters-in-law, two brothers-in-law, one half-sister, one step-daughter, nine nieces, six nephews and several unnamed grand nieces and nephews. Her MAY nieces and nephews received a mere £10 a piece, while the family silver, desert spoons, table spoons and tureen ladles, marked with an ‘M’ and more, went to her own side of the family. The fact that Ann’s first husband had left his estates to his brother, William (1745-1828), after her death led to the peculiar situation by which William was giving legacies to his children that were not yet his when he wrote his will in 1825. Ann had not died by this time, though she did pass on the year before William. This type of legal problem must have been common in years gone by.

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